Ever had someone that only came around when they needed something? Or would only be there when it was convenient for them? I think we all have. Someone who will express their undying commitment to you in the midnight hour over wine, just to disappear for months when the sun comes up. I’m here to say you’re not alone. There are millions of people giving 100% in a relationship, whether it be with a friend, or significant other, where there person is getting away with only giving back 70%.
As we get older, we are given the responsibility of making our own decisions, only to realize how easy the bubblegum eraser days were. You get older, busier, and your time becomes more valuable. You get to decide who stays, and who deserves your time and attention. Who gives you the same time and attention back. You learn that those people you want to have in your life, might not have the space in theirs for the time and attention you deserve. That’s when it’s your duty to recognize whether the 100/70 friendship is worth your time/energy.
I raise my hand alongside millions of people that have been made to face the tough decision(s) to cut someone out of their life. I have recognized with my growing responsibilities, that my time that I can devote to others becomes razor thin. If I devote what little time left I have trying to upkeep a friendship, where that person is not returning the courtesy. I will be first to leave. If there is one thing I do not stand for, its disrespect, and the lack of common courtesy to give to others what they give to you. I wasn’t always this cut throat. I can admit I had the tendency to be a pushover. But learned, what do I have to lose? If that person is barely giving you anything in return, you have nothing to lose in the first place.
I have learned that it’s not as difficult as it seems to stand up for yourself, and free yourself from someone who you do not benefit from having a relationship with. You don’t want to be the one left in the corner looking like a pushover. Take care of yourself! Realize that you deserve the best, and if the people in your life aren’t giving you just that, then learn when to walk away.
I have learned to say what I need to say without fear of judgement. I have learned from others that it’s best to speak your mind, than to hide thoughts/feelings away. I have learned that you don’t always have to approach the situation at all. Sometimes all you have to do is be the bigger person, and walk away.
Your “friend” visits, and does not make you aware, but meets your ex for coffee, although when you were with said ex, you cheated on them with said “friend” and husband, twice, and he had no clue. When if he knew, he would not have had coffee with said “friend”. Again I do not hold back personal business, as I am not ashamed of my past. I have only learned from it. But in circumstances like that one, you learn to walk away rather than address the situation, as you don’t need the thoughtlessness, shadiness, and bad energy from said individual. Where I once gave 100%, I received 20%, and knew I deserved better. This being someone I trusted enough to give me 100% back, when I had them in my wedding! I was pulled in to this intoxicating cloud, ironically clouding my judgement. This example not to bash the other, just something toxic I was able to learn from. To this day I see people getting sucked in to that same intoxicating cloud, and this is for you. I surfaced, I conquered. Thrived even, and you can too.
Be your own person. Discover yourself, and take your mistakes, and your past experiences, and learn from them! Don’t give those the satisfaction of getting away with stealing your time. Don’t fear judgement, because 90% of people reading this have made mistakes. We are all human, and deserve to be treated with respect. Know your worth!